Week 2.  Let’s go!

If the Bolsheviks played any team in the league last week, they would have lost.  That is, unless they played T**m H**s.  The Bolsheviks put up a paltry 57.18 points in their debut performance, but luck for they, they played the putrid T**m H**s, who only scored 55.03.  This week they are taking on our defending champs though.  Blitz-Craig put up 111.37 whilst getting just about nothing from Mark Andrews.  This week will be more of the same.  Blitz-Craig wins an easy one and the Bolsheviks will feel grateful that they aren’t 0-2, like they should be.

The Hamburg Hooligans heard about the Commissioner’s Curse, but didn’t care.  More often than not, if I predict a team to do well, they will fall apart.  But the Hooligans took my prediction of them winning the league and backed it up by putting up Week 1’s High Score.  This week they take on the Teddy Ruxpins who have already gotten the game of James Cook’s life, but it won’t be enough.  Ruxpins tried to draft as many backup RBs as they could hoping one would become a winning lottery ticket.  That makes me laugh since Jordan Mason will run all over them today.  Also as an aside, even though Ruxpins lost last week, I’m sure they were ready to forfeit when Wulfpack lost CMC just before kickoff on Monday night.  Hypocrite.

Trash Pandas started strong last week, with the week’s second highest score, and they will continue to roll this week.  Liq-ourballs biggest weapon is Josh Allen and he put up what will likely be one of his lowest scoring weeks of the season.  Pandas would have had the best score of last week had they started Baker Mayfield.  Mayfield isn’t consistent enough to put up scores like they consistently, but he’ll still do enough to get Pandas over the hump this week.

My Ball Zach Ertz lost a close one last week in no small part due to Mr. Pfizer putting up a dud.  That can’t happen two weeks in a row, can it?  It probably doesn’t matter.  In a league where two teams put up less than 60 points in week one, they are playing Shock Value who is actually the worst team in the league.  They somehow put up a whopping 61.46 points last week, but for them, anything over 60 should feel like a win.  Even by that pathetic standard, they are still likely going to feel like a loser this week.

If there was ever a time when I hope both teams could lose, it’s when Turbo takes on T**m H**s.  Turbo looked at his lackluster roster and thought the glaring weakness was that he didn’t have a #2 TE, so he spent half of his free agent budget on Isaiah Likely, who is not Likely to match his output from week 1 again this season.  See what I did there?  I literally just wrote that Shock Value is the worst team in the league but now looking at T**m H**s, I’m already questioning myself.  Of course if you ask him, Haas will tell you his team is great.  I will predict this – when Bryce Young becomes great, so will T**m H**s.

Balls of Hate had a decent week last week, but ran into a buzzsaw in the Hooligans.  Hate’s starters are pretty solid.  We’ll see how they hold up when byes start coming into play as their depth is questionable at best.  Wulfpack put up 101.54 without McCaffrey.  Problem is, they are going to be without McCaffrey for a while now and they don’t really have a replacement for him.  I always say if you can put up 100 points a week, you’re going to be fine, but I don’t see how Wulfpack does that consistently with Zeke being their only back.

The Nigerian Yaks are trying to win with no QB or TE.  Seems like that might not be the best plan.   But how could they know that Deshaun Watson was just absolutely atrocious and probably not even as good as Jameis Winston?  They take on Mad Dogs how are already dealing with injury issues, losing both Jordan Love and AJ Brown.  Even though they had Trevor Lawrence, they decided to give away a RB to Ruxpins so that they could have 3 QBs on their roster.  Trading with Ruxpins should garner enough bad juju ($11 per Ju?) to guarantee a loss in the week that you do it, but they should still beat the Yaks.

Unlike the Hooligans, Hairbear did try to succumb to the Commissioner’s Curse in week 1, but were able to squeak out a win.  I still think that in the long run they are better situated than nWo, but this week, I like nWo’s team more.  I’m high on Saquon this year and I think Pacheco is going to be solid week in and week out as well.  This game will be close.  We can only hope that it is within 5 points and comes down to Raheem Morris on Monday night.