The Weekly Bender: Are We All Taking Crazy Pills?

Mon Sep 22 8:11pm ET
By HOWARD BENDER
Fantasy Writer

Well, isn’t that a fine, “How do you do?” What the heck, NFL? What is going on here? Last week you crushed souls by taking away some of our most beloved quarterbacks, forcing us to spend our entire week worrying about which guy we were going to add from the waiver wire and stream for Week 3 when what we should have been worrying about was which stupid D/ST we were going to use? That’s not right. That’s not even fair.

Look at this craziness! Look at it!!!

Jamel Dean Pick 6
Kenny Moore Pick 6
Chau Smith-Wade Pick 6
Isaiah Rogers Pick 6 & Fumble Recovery for TD
Will McDonald Blocked FG for TD
Jordan Davis Blocked FG for TD
Jaylin Lane Punt Return TD
Tory Horton Punt Return TD

Nine defensive touchdowns by eight players in seven games? What the heck is going on here?

Streaming defenses have long been an issue in fantasy football, simply because everyone is chasing defensive touchdowns, which are nearly impossible to predict. You could have the most inexperienced quarterback in the world, stream the defense facing him and come up with nothing. You can find a team that has the fastest man alive returning kickoffs and punts, stream that defense and come up with nothing. Can you come up with something? Obviously. But a week like this is rare, not the norm.

Personally, I chase sacks. Teams with a top pass-rush, teams with a strong secondary, that’s what I’m looking for the most, because sacks lead to takeaways. Strip sacks, forced fumbles and interceptions are my defense’s bread and butter. The touchdowns will come from there. But sitting here adding and dropping defenses….or worse…using FAAB dollars on one, can spell disaster. Not only will you run out of free agent bid dollars early, you’ll also come up short chasing actual players you need.

I get that some of you are going to chase the touchdowns week in and week out. It’s your team and you’re going to run it the way you want. Just be mindful of how you use your budget and/or your priority. Understand the variance and the unpredictability of defensive touchdowns. Weeks like this are going to be a rarity, so make sure you’re not chasing too much.

What else has us thinking we’re taking crazy pills?

How about this Washington backfield? So much for Bill Croskey-Merrit, right? Running backs saw 23 carries in a 41-24 win with Chris Rodriguez seeing the most with 11, followed up by Croskey-Merritt (8) and then Jeremy McNichols with four. If you’re thinking Bill was being rested because of such a lopsided game, you’d be wrong because he was still touching the football in the fourth quarter. Time to bail!

People talk about trading away Ashton Jeanty, Breece Hall and Chase Brown. First off, you don’t trade away a player who’s down on his luck and you certainly don’t trade him after he was just game-flowed out of the picture. The Raiders, Jets and Bengals were all down like 20 points in the first half at some point. When that happens, guess what…? Coaches and coordinators abandon the run game and fall into a pass-heavy scheme. Now sure, you can complain that the offensive lines aren’t great, but what do you think your opponent is thinking when you offer them up in a deal? If you do feel the need to give up on a player in Week 3 or 4 (which is crazy), then you make the offer AFTER he has a big game. It’s called buying low and selling high for a reason.

How do we live in a world where Parker Washington garners 11 targets but a guy like Travis Hunter only sees two? Liam Coen needs to do a big sit-down with his offense and figure out what the issue is right now. Is it the line? Is it Trevor Lawrence? Whatever the case may be, this needs to be fixed or my shares of Brian Thomas Jr. are all going down the crapper.

I know it’s only been three games, but DeMeco Ryans needs to fire offensive coordinator Nick Caley. I actually warned everyone about this offense in the Fantasy Alarm NFL Draft Guide. Caley said that he didn’t have a specific offensive scheme – that he was going to scheme game by game based on the opponent’s strengths and weaknesses. On the surface, that all sounds great, but like I said, teams need an identity and it needs an offensive gameplan to fall back on should the shit hit the fan. It was Mike Tyson who once said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” Well, the Texans have been punched in the mouth three straight weeks and they can’t seem to do anything about it. Let’s start by setting up a proper scheme and stop asking CJ Stroud to just wing it based on what defensive reads he is making. That’s not working.

How are all you Ladd McConkey owners feeling? Maybe I wasn’t so crazy telling you to stop drafting him in the second round? I’m not going to take a victory lap here because I’m hoping for a big breakout game so you can trade him, but I will say, the deck was stacked against him improving on last year’s numbers because of the scheme, the added running backs and the re-signing of Keenan Allen. The emergence of Quentin Johnston hasn’t helped either. Just too many mouths to feed in what is still a run-first offense.

Maybe Will Levis wasn’t the problem last year because nothing that Cam Ward is doing seems to be working either. Maybe the offensive line sucks and maybe Calvin Ridley is the problem. Seven targets and you only haul in one? Brutal. He also screwed me on a pick’em pick but fortunately I took the mulligan and still cashed.

The fact that, even after everything we all saw last year and the year before, people are still clamoring for Kirk Cousins in Atlanta? I get it. Michael Penix sucks. But are we really ready to go back to the guy who is now getting paid millions to ride the bench because he sucks too? We knew the Penix pick was a disaster when the Falcons made it, but now they’re stuck with it. Bad decision after bad decision. Who do they think they are, the Jets?

And finally….the Packers? THE PACKERS??? WTF was that all about? Survivor pools everywhere go the big shake-up and I’m just at a loss for words on that front. At least we know to never start a running back against the Browns. At least they finally did something right, which, again, is crazy.

Heading out to the bathroom right now to put my finger down my throat and get these crazy pills out of my system.

Bender out!

The Weekly Bender: Are We All Taking Crazy Pills?

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